I heard about this article from the Atlantic on tv and wanted to read it. I certainly don't agree with the political leanings of this woman or a lot of her ideas. I do however think it is a topic worth discussing.
I have touched on this before but the thing is that you have to make choices about how to spend your time and energy. Women expect, and are expected, to do more with their kids than men. Our culture tends to expect or at least accept that men will give some in this area to provide for the family. While our pressures are different the larger issue is still present for men. If I spend 2 more hours at work a day and a third (above what I do now) exercising I would do better at my job which would in time be a factor in my career. The thing is that means I would be around Wifey and kiddo for 2-3 hours less a day which is not acceptable to me. That is a choice I have knowingly made.
Beyond the work vs family debate the issue can be seen all over. Factor out some time to sleep, eat, do hygiene, etc and you are probably looking at about 16 available hours. Figure that half or a bit more goes to whatever you do to make money 5-6 days a week and you probably have 6-7 hours left.
A woman or man who chooses to spend another hour at work is by default not choosing to spend that hour in any number of other ways. That means they are a bit less of a spouse, parent or friend or aren't as good at their hobby or well read or well rested. One only has enough time, energy and money to do so much. You don't see tournament Jui Jitsu fighters who also are competitive marathon runners and 3 gun shooters that play a wicked game of bridge and are in bowling, softball and pool leagues. These folks who already don't exist certainly are not high powered professionals or business owners who have great active relationships with their spouses and children.
What is right or wrong for an individual, their family and their life is a complicated matter without clear cut answers. That being said I would say family will be there in 40 years when you are old and grey while a job, sport or a hobby will not. Also as cliche as it is you can't take money or stuff with you when you go.
I have touched on this before but the thing is that you have to make choices about how to spend your time and energy. Women expect, and are expected, to do more with their kids than men. Our culture tends to expect or at least accept that men will give some in this area to provide for the family. While our pressures are different the larger issue is still present for men. If I spend 2 more hours at work a day and a third (above what I do now) exercising I would do better at my job which would in time be a factor in my career. The thing is that means I would be around Wifey and kiddo for 2-3 hours less a day which is not acceptable to me. That is a choice I have knowingly made.
Beyond the work vs family debate the issue can be seen all over. Factor out some time to sleep, eat, do hygiene, etc and you are probably looking at about 16 available hours. Figure that half or a bit more goes to whatever you do to make money 5-6 days a week and you probably have 6-7 hours left.
A woman or man who chooses to spend another hour at work is by default not choosing to spend that hour in any number of other ways. That means they are a bit less of a spouse, parent or friend or aren't as good at their hobby or well read or well rested. One only has enough time, energy and money to do so much. You don't see tournament Jui Jitsu fighters who also are competitive marathon runners and 3 gun shooters that play a wicked game of bridge and are in bowling, softball and pool leagues. These folks who already don't exist certainly are not high powered professionals or business owners who have great active relationships with their spouses and children.
What is right or wrong for an individual, their family and their life is a complicated matter without clear cut answers. That being said I would say family will be there in 40 years when you are old and grey while a job, sport or a hobby will not. Also as cliche as it is you can't take money or stuff with you when you go.
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What I know is that I think my life growing up was much better than my kids' lives because my Mom was at home. Up until my sister and I were both in school anyways. Even then, the took a job as a teacher's aid, so she was still home soon after we got home from school, off work when school was out (holidays, summer)... My wife often works late, and has been putting in some O/T recently (dental bill to pay). I work long hours at my various pursuits. All because, in my opinion, the value of our currency has fallen substantially since I was a kid in the '70s. My Dad earned lower middle class wages, and we lived pretty well. Not so today...
Craig, I agree with you. My wife stays at home with our kid. I do not stress the $$$ she could be earning or what they would do for us. Again it is about choices the wife and I have to make.
I agree with the spending time with kids and family during off hours. If at all possible, if you have to work extra hours, make them late night / early morning where your absence really doesn't make a difference because they are asleep anyway.
I did/do it a bit differently.
I work 2nd shift, wifey works 1st.
I see her for 1/2 hour a day and weekends. Good points and bad there.
When the kiddies were younger, it was fine, I had them all day, and she had them at night. When school comes around, I don't see them at all during the week except to bring them to school. Starting this fall, they are all in high school, so I wont see them at all unless someone misses the bus during the week.
My mom always told me a Woman can have it all....just not all at once. I like that perspective. I was granted early admission to law school when I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I made a choice to forgo law school knowing if I chose, I could return. I choose not to - It is not something I wish to devote the resources and the time. It was my choice and not one I will put on someone else. I have seen women make a choice and then blame someone/something else for that choice. Responsibility in all things. My life would be different if I chose differently and never would I want another life!! I will never regret the time spent with my kids, homeschooling them, being with them and The Hubs. Life is way too short!!
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