Yesterday I had nothing to say. Not writers block parse just that I didn't really have anything to say. Maybe the week is grating on me. When I was coming home from work on Monday a neighbor asked me how things were going. I said "they will be better when the week is over" and she laughed while pointing out that it in fact just started. In any case something I meant to write about came back into my head today. I had other intentions but this just seemed like a good one.
I sort of want to look at something from another perspective today. From time to time we hear about how somebody is having big problems trying to get their spouse on board. More often than not it is a man having problems getting his wife on board. Maybe it is that somewhat more men are interested in survivalism/ preparedness or maybe it is that they tend to have a more extreme version of it than women. Or maybe male/ female relationships being what they are men of that inclination are more likely to end up with women not of that inclination than visa versa. I do not know but for the sake of this discussion lets just be gender neutral.
Sometimes this comes when the survivalist spouse wants to spend a bunch of money on something or another, typically big ticket items like guns or their ancillary kit. The straw that seems to break the most camels backs is wanting to move to a more rural or off situation. The regular spouse might come along begrudgingly or give some sort of ultimatum. Then typically either survivalist spouse goes without the regular spouse or stays with them.
Mostly this situation seems to come about when survivalist spouse becomes survivalist spouse awhile after their marriage (or long term cohabitation relationship with shared resources/ whatever) to regular spouse. In that regard I was lucky. When Wifey and I started dating I was a pretty average guy, albeit a veteran, gun enthusiast with a CCW permit. Somewhere between when we started dating and got hitched I developed my paranoia. In any case she (thankfully!) chose to marry me, paranoia and all. She made that decision knowing I had an expensive hobby that would be a big part of our lifestyle.
It is pretty hard to un see something. Once someone sees just how fragile our modern world really is it's not practical to keep on living an average life. If a person becomes paranoid after 10 years of marriage and an otherwise normal life there are often tumultuous results. To be honest I really feel for the spouses.
Look at it from their angle. They have been living a pretty normal existence and all of a sudden their spouse is all crazy and wants to make huge changes. We might tend not to look at it from their angle because the 'crazy' makes sense to us. Look at it like this. What if tomorrow at the dinner table your spouse said you two need to sell all your worldly goods and join a cult. They come home and start talking what seems to be nonsense and want to change your life drastically. Doesn't sound so nice, does it?
I do not have a magical answer to make your spouse as paranoid as you are. If there was a magic pill that would make a spouse think all of your ideas and decisions were awesome it would outsell Viagra 30 fold. Husbands would be slipping it to wives in a cocktail and wives would be slipping it to husbands in desert. There would be so much agreeing going on that nothing would actually be decided.
One interesting thing I realized in writing this is that neither Wifey or I have ever really said no to each other. Of course sometimes one of us really doesn't feel like eating Italian food or going for a walk in the rain or seeing that movie, I am talking about big stuff. If something is important to one of us we try and get it done. Sometimes we have to wait a bit until we can afford X or until there is time to do Y or we compromise on Q but I can not think of an instant where the flat our answer is no. Once or twice we have had a conversation about something that didn't go the way somebody wanted it to. The partner who brought the thing up will then say "this is really important to me" and then we will talk some and eventually figure out some sort of a compromise.
To me that is kind of a respect issue. If something is really important to Wifey even if I do not get it I respect her enough to accommodate her. Maybe it is a trip or a purchase or a lifestyle change but if it is really important to her it is worth time, energy and resources. She sees it the same way. The big part of this is that it is a TWO WAY STREET.
A spouse totally blowing off your concerns about preparedness is just as wrong as you blowing off their desire to have indoor plumbing or the like. To say they are wrong for blowing you off while you totally ignore them is missing the point.
So you ask, well how do we make this all work out? I do not think there is a single answer that will work for everyone. [Begin tangent: I once took a class on negotiations for work. It emphasized two basic concepts best expressed as acronyms. ZOPA is Zone Of Possible Agreement. Lets say a guy will absolutely not take less than $400 for the Glock he is selling and you have $427.31 in your wallet, ZOPA would be between $400 and $427.31. The issue is that you rarely have perfect information about the other persons half. The other is BETWA which stands for Better To Walk Away Alternative. If a guy at the pawn shop was trying to sell me a used Glock 17 for $590 I would go to another shop knowing a better deal was out there. If it was the only shop in town and I was unarmed and an Ax Murdered was on the loose my better to walk away alternative isn't so good so I would probably buy it. Tangent ended]. You may or may not care about either of those but there are two big limiting factors we need to be concerned with in any potential solution. The first is resources and the second is that it should be mutually agreeable. Simply put your goal is to find an agreement that will keep you and the spouse BOTH content and is realistic. Easy to say but potentially difficult to do.
However difficult this task might be IMO having an understanding of your spouses perspective and trying to find a mutually agreeable solution are probably a darn good start.
Thoughts?